*I have not posted in a while; this is due to the fact that I am in the process of creating a more focused blog, which will cater to a small range of categories, not a variety of experiences, thoughts and ganders.*
This idea came to me the other day, it has come to me often, but it truly hit home recently. Many people do not see what they currently have, when they actually realize it, it is too late and too far gone. Tradition is what many are not seeing in our most current society, it is okay to make our own traditions, well more than okay. What is not okay is when we lose the traditions we were brought up with and disregard them, thinking of them as a burden, or something we no longer need to practice.
If there is one thing that boggles my mind, it is that people are so neglecting towards tradition. I get it, over time things change, and we start branching out of our own cultures and experience other cultures, but why dismiss our own traditions?
Growing up, tradition was everywhere in my family, from Sunday lunch, greeting family with a kiss or even just having knowledge of your grandparent’s upbringing, their maiden names and the names of their parents. Ask a child this information today, they most likely will not even know their grandmothers maiden name.
Unfortunately, some parents cannot be bothered to practice tradition, which passes onto their children, eventually leading to a new generation of lost traditions.
Maybe we should call them generation lost, they do not have their own practices, they do not have something that sets them apart from someone else and they do not have something to share with their class when they talk about traditional holiday foods they ate.
Do your children a favour, do your grandchildren a favour and do yourself a favour, bring back the tradition.
I have had writers block for a little while, and even if I did produce any writing, it was not up to standard with my original thoughts. However, after this week I realized why I have had this restriction from writing…I had nothing to write about. Silly right? But it is true, there was nothing exciting nor thought provoking happening in my life that would cause me to write. I was yet in another rut, one of those ruts where you know that you need to make a major change or even a major decision in order to get anywhere in life. I was trying to tell myself that I was happy with my current situation, and that opportunity would come my way when I was ready for it. The thing is, that is not true, opportunity does not come to those who wait around, it does not come to those who constantly worry. Opportunity comes to the risk-takers, because they are the ones going after it, opportunity comes to those who do not fear change. I have had this fear of change for some time now, this fear of failure and this fear of having to start over. Who fears that? I am sure a lot of people, but why do we fear is the question.
For anyone that knows me well, I have this weird obsession and attachment with home. Maybe it is the comfort thing, or maybe I just enjoy home in general. But my attachment to home has become a major problem and has restricted me from taking a leap and doing something that I actually want to do. Sure, I do things here in Windsor if I want, but let’s be honest what is there to do here? Not that I dislike the city, it is the fact that it is the same thing day in and day out.
My life changing experience came this week while settling Vince in Toronto for his Internship. I have always had an underlying desire to move to Toronto, I have actually applied and have been accepted to various programs. However, there was always something inside of me telling me not to go. Yeah, I know what it was now, it was fear. I let fear get in the way of accomplishing the next step in my life/career.
But, something brought me to a cafe on Tuesday, I was walking around, when I decided that I would sit in a cafe alone. This is something I rarely do because I normally dislike doing things alone. But as I was sitting there, minding my own business, looking through Instagram, a stranger had walked in this cafe, greeted me, ordered a drink and then sat with me. Uninvited, they were bold enough to just sit with me. Living in Windsor, this is weird, never has anyone just sat with me, and maybe this is not a big deal to some, but right away I was thinking that this was goodbye for me and I would never be seen again. But, this person meant no harm, they were actually very friendly and intriguing. With many life experiences, they were cultured and established. They knew what they wanted, and they went after it.
Listening to this person made me realize something, you can sit around dreaming, because there is nothing wrong with that. But dreaming does not give you experiences, dreaming merely gives you an illusion, it gives you an internal desire. However, if you just take the risk, get your fears out of the way and live in the moment, you get more than a thought, you get an actual experience, a learning experience. You get a memory and memories are something you can hold on to forever. A memory is something that will always be there because you can actually say you did it, you had an experience to remember. On the other hand, if you just dream, you did not achieve anything, there is a difference between dreaming and acting upon the dream. How long can you sit around thinking you should have done something. It just results in regret. Be adventurous, go after what you want, and never regret an experience, because we learn from those, they make us stronger and they give us something to look back on.
Superstitions…I know they are something that many do not believe in, but when you have grown up in the family I grew up in, you would find it very difficult to not live by these superstitions. Many of us go through these phases thinking that superstitions are not important and merely made up by our ancestors. But, in the back of your mind these acts we defy will stick with us until we convince ourselves they are true.
Being at my nonna’s house or being at home taught me many different superstitions, some that you may think, how in the hell was this one formed? Or just question why it even exists. I remember the sheer panic that would come over me when I broke one of the many rules, or when my nonna would point it out. The superstitions stem mostly from my mother’s side of the family, and as strange as many may feel about them, I love it because to me they are tradition.
Here are some of the superstitions that I live by!
Do not sit at the corner of a table – this is a huge superstition that I remember and I still live by. When you do notice that you are sitting at the corner you basically start to sweat because the curse surrounding this is that you will never get married! My nonna Lucia is someone that taught me this one, and I would get confused when I would be sitting at a corner and she would say I want to switch seats with you. After sitting at the cursed corner you basically just hope that you will eventually get married and hope that by noticing the mistake you have made the curse will be cancelled out!
Do not sleep with your feet at the door – there was a time I wanted to rearrange my room. I thought wow! This would be the perfect idea! I will have my bed facing the door. One restless night I rearranged my furniture so that the end of my bed was closest to the door, which would have my feet facing the door. Well was that a mistake or was that a mistake! When my mother saw, she was panicked by this arrangement! My bedroom rearrangement meant that I was inviting death to my family. This meant that I would need to rearrange my room once again to remove this curse.
If a bird hits the window – this is a big one for the summer months. With windows being all over homes and birds flying around, birds sometimes slam into windows. Well, that’s okay if the bird hits the window, but what is not okay about this is if the bird hits the window and dies. This means that death is at your doorstep. So in the summer when we hear that big bang from a poor little bird, the first reaction is to not see if the window cracked, or if the bird is injured, but if the bird is dead.
Do not accept knives as a gift – this means that when you have a housewarming party or a wedding shower and someone gives you knives, be sure to give them money in return. If you do not and you use the knives, this person will become your enemy. In the case the person does not accept the money, be sure to never use the knives or else this curse will fall upon you. This is why I wondered why my nonna had a new set of knives from the 90s that had not even been touched once. The individual that gave her the knives refused to accept her money, therefore the knives were untouched.
Do not knock over salt – do you ever cook and knock the salt over? Well if you do you better be sure to throw it over your shoulder immediately. While working at Starbucks and making salted caramel drinks, I was never sure if sea salt constituted as the salt that would be considered in this category, but every time I knocked it over I was sure to throw it over my shoulder because I was not having bad luck come my way.
Do not put scissors or shoes on thebed– our first instinct when carrying shopping bags in to our room or cutting a tag off of clothing is to put the bags or scissors on the bed. Rethink this because when you do such a thing you are bringing bad luck to yourself. So next time you are about to put these items on your bed think twice.
Sip your drink after you make a toast and cheers with others – never, ever put your drink down before sipping it, oh and make sure that you make eye contact with everyone too. You want to ensure that directly after you are done with your clinging and clanking (while looking into everyone’s eye) you are sipping that drink before it hits the table!
Touch steel and knock on wood – was something just said to you and you thought, God forbid! Well if so, you better touch steel “tocca ferro” or knock on wood in order to prevent anything bad that you think could possibly happen. There are many times this happens to me and I have to search for something steel or wood in order to put my mind at ease.
Did you dream your tooth fellout – whatever you do, do not tell nonna you dreamt of your tooth falling out. This will cause nonna to worry for days because this means that a death is upon your family. My nonna Lucia can tell you now that there are people that have died after a loved one dreamt of a tooth falling out. Beware of this dream, because it will have you frightened as well.
The amount of superstitions I live by are out of control and no matter what, I do not think I could ever break my thought process on these. These are like traditions to me and I love tradition, so stopping the way I live seems unrealistic. I know that in the back of my mind if something does happen, I will be thinking why didn’t I follow the rules of superstitions?
We collect items over the years that are of sentiment to us. These items come in many forms and they normally come from significant people and represent significant times. Throughout my life I have collected boxes upon boxes of sentimental items in something that I and most call a memory box. This box has become full of cards, notes, a chip bag, pictures, a fruit roll up, shot glasses and many other random yet memorable items that I have been given. Other than that, I also have sentimental pieces of clothing and jewellery. Of these memorable items I have been given, there is one piece that I will never part with, because this item represents a beautiful gesture from my late nonna Giuseppina.
Over the years my nonna was known as one of the most selfless women, a woman who would want to feed or clothe someone else before herself. I, my siblings and my cousins can all relate to this. But it was not only us, my nonna lived on a street that became heavily populated with University students, and those who moved into the house next to her would always get food delivered to them by her or she would invite them over to her home to eat. If they were having a party and needed chairs, my nonna would be happy to lend them out as long as they were returned by the morning (she had chairs upon chairs). If my nonna knew you did not have something that was essential, she was taking the bus to the mall to get it for you (she didn’t know how to drive). We could bring friends over for lunch during break at the University and if you needed a nap, feel free to take one.
She was the type of woman who cared about the well-being of others. Nonna did not have much, but whatever she did have, she would give it to others because she wanted to ensure everyone else was okay before herself. We have all experienced this generosity from my nonna, and anyone who ever met her knows what I am talking about, because she thought of everyone and I mean EVERYONE.
My nonna was always there for our sacraments, birthdays, back to school shopping; no matter what it was, she wanted to be a big part of it, and I loved and appreciated her for it. There was something that my nonna kept close to her heart, and it was the thought of us unmarried grandchildren. My nonna talked about it a lot, and how she knew that she would not be there for our weddings. My nonna made a beautiful gesture when I was in grade 12. I will never get this out of my mind because it just goes to show how she always wanted to be there for us in a big way. She knew that I would start my prom dress search soon and said that she would like to purchase the dress for me, because she felt sad that down the road she would not be able to be there to buy my last sacramental dress; which would have been a wedding dress.
I can go back to the day when we bought it. She and I were both so thrilled, because I now had a gorgeous dress that was bought by my nonna, and she was thrilled to have been a part of the day. My nonna was the type of woman that would get her joy from the happiness of her grandchildren. As long as we were content and happy, so was she.
Although it may just be a dress for some, that they wore years ago for one night, my dress has a significant memory surrounding it. There is sentiment attached to the dress and there is the selflessness of one of the most amazing women who I have ever spent time with and shared memories with. The amount of things my nonna did for my entire family is more than anyone can ever begin to imagine! But not only for my family, for everyone she came in contact with.
Did my nonna ever expect anything in return? Absolutely not, the only thing my nonna ever wanted was for us to be happy and for us to appreciate our time with her.
Time is something that is very important, we must all utilize it accordingly, because having regrets of not spending enough time with a loved one is something that can eat away at you for a lifetime. Even if you try to rid yourself of the memory, there may be something hidden in your closet that will bring that memory back!
Symptoms – Stomach in knots, scattered thoughts, you do not know if you are coming or going, constant panic.
Warning – If you are experiencing any of these symptoms do not panic, simply read what I have to say and reflect on yourself.
There is this underlying fear that a lot of us have. It is this panic, which stems from something we are so frightened of, and the very thought or mention of it gets our knickers in a twist. It is something that I have constantly feared my entire life, and as of today I was scared to even bring it up. However, there are a few people that inspired me to discuss it.
I have been inspired by a post I saw on Instagram which read, “atychiphobia – fear of failure; fear of not being good enough.” Not only from this post, but I have recently talked to a few individuals who have confided their fear of failure and not being good enough to me. If you knew who these people were, you would be as shocked as I was, because to me they are the most confident and positive individuals. However, their positivity and ability to achieve success is being sucked away before their very eyes.
This issue has gotten my knickers in a twist because I cannot fathom why we feel this way. I cannot understand why these intelligent and strong individuals would feel like so.
The fear of failure is something that gets the best of us, we allow it to run our life, it stops us from making certain decisions and we allow it to eat away at us, causing great panic and stress about something that really is not in our control. Well, actually it could be in our control. In fact, let’s say it is in our control, we have this fear of failure, and we let our confidence slip from beneath us, allowing ourselves to fall in this trap, or a hole I guess, that those who do not have the fear of failure jump right over attaining success.
I am not saying we are not going to be successful, what I am saying is that we are delaying our success because we are giving up, or we are feeling like there are always people better than us. Sure, there are people who may have higher marks, more street smarts or maybe have a suave to them, but the thing is, they are not us!
Do I sound cocky? No…this is how we are supposed to think! We need to realize that we are the best people that we can be, but the only way to be the best us is to believe in ourselves, have confidence in what we do, think positively and know that we can attain greatness.
Story Time – A standout time that “failure” hit me was when I was in grade 7. This is going to sound absurd, but to me, this was a huge deal. I had an A+ in French, however a low 70s score on a test brought me down to an A-, this was a very devastating time, and I remember running to the bathroom that day and crying. Not only that, I brought the issue home, and I can picture myself laying on the balcony above the living room, listening to music and just sobbing.
I gave myself the worst headache, and I lost all faith in myself. Looking back now, I realize that I was an idiot, how could I be mad at myself. I clearly realize that it was my fault; looking back I do not even remember studying for this test, so I brought that upon myself.
But, the thing is, is that I did not fail, I simply made a decision to not study and learned from it. However, back then, I can remember thinking that I had “failed” myself and my parents. My parents were not even mad, they thought I was ridiculous for basically making myself sick over something like this. They explained that there are worse things in life, we make our own decisions and by making these decisions they will allow us to grow.
The thing is many of us underestimate ourselves and our abilities; we think that we are not good enough for someone or something. When in reality we are the best we can be based upon how hard we work or what we do for ourselves. There really is not such thing as failure; it is more like learning experiences. These experiences only make us stronger. We need to make the most of what we are dealt with, life is too short to harp on what we could have, or should have done. Our time is now, and if you believe in failure or that you are not good enough, then you are thinking wrong.
Sometimes we feel like we are left in ruins by the decisions we make or the path we take, however having the ability to decide is the best gift we could ever receive, because it allows for us to rebuild ourselves.
So last Thursday I decided to try something new. I love new things, but when it comes to a new change, I have difficulties dealing with it. This was a big change, major, something that I have feared for a long time. But, I decided to just go for it, why not? Who is it hurting? What do I have to lose? But little did I know that I could not live with this change, sounds silly right, but I couldn’t even look at myself for the next 24 hours!
For those of you who may not know me well or not know me at all, change takes a lot of thought and mapping out for me. I think about it, think about it some more, ask all of my friends for their opinion and then either go through with it or not. But it is hard, and I mean really hard for me!
You are probably asking yourself, what change could she have possibly made that was that difficult to deal with? Well it was my hair…I had decided that instead of a measly few highlights, I would expand! I would do way more, but not at the top of my head. I wouldn’t dare dye the top of my head until I start seeing gray. Sad, really, that I can’t even make that change.
I envisioned hair like Khloe Kardashian, gorgeous hair! Beautiful highlights, sure I would get it half way through, but still not at the very top. I could just imagine it! Luscious locks of beauty, draping down my back, letting it flow as I walk! I was all game, and ready for fame. Well, not fame, but I was ready for a new look!
I went into this with an open mind, well obviously not at first considering I had to discuss it over with many, but once I was at the salon, I was ready! I was ready, willing and able. I sat there as the dye went into my hair, reading my book, fully trusting the individual doing my hair. Not that I lost trust in them now, but I guess I was not expecting what was going to happen next.
The timer went off, we were ready, for a nice little trim and blow out! I couldn’t wait to see the final product. After washing my hair, we scoot over to the chair…and that’s when I see it! Why was half of my head fully blonde? Why did I feel like a joke? I sat there getting my hair blown out, super confused! And I wasn’t the only one that noticed, he noticed it as well! He could read my face, and that’s when he said, “Well, if you feel like this is too much come back and I will take some out”.
Take some out? How about take out the majority of what is going on over here! I thought I was back in 2001 with my hair! I couldn’t even look at myself, I was a joke. I do not even know how I went out to dinner with my family looking like this. I got a lot of reviews…and they weren’t good. My brother told me I looked ratchet, which was when I knew I couldn’t deal with this.
Trying to convince myself I would give it a shot for a week, I went to bed thinking that by the morning I would like it. But…I woke up hoping it was a nightmare. But a nightmare it was not! This was real life and so far I looked like an eclectic, ratchet, early 2000s girl who couldn’t look at herself.
By noon the next day I called the salon and made an appointment to get this nonsense out of my hair! I was told that my hair was for trendy people…to be honest honey; trendy people would not even walk in public with this hair! They can keep their trendy, because this girl ain’t trendy if this is what trendy is supposed to look like.
No hard feelings to my salon, I will always go back! I just think we all had different visions for my hair. I thought I would walk out with the hair of Khloe, and they envisioned me as a gypsy woman at the side of the street trying to sell handmade goods from scraps.
There are some choices we make that can be an easy fix, which is fantastic. But, on the other hand, there are choices we make that may not be an easy fix. We need to realize that in life we are going to have to make many choices, we just need to be more careful with what we decide upon, or if we do make a choice that we are unhappy with, there are always ways to overcome it! Embracing change is something that is important in order to learn and grow (but if you do not like the change you made, feel free to make another change).
I guess we can say that I am the jack of all trades, master of none. Not that I have not mastered different things in which I have learned to do, I guess I have just yet to commit to one thing that I am good at.
Something that I have always felt defeated by is cooking/baking. I have always struggled in this department due to my lack of patience. I am a get it done kind of girl. I really like to get in, get out and get on with it. I have been trying to learn how to be patient, and the best way is through cooking and baking.
I have decided to pick recipes weekly and try them out, just to see how they turn out. I am someone that struggles to boil pasta, so let’s see how this goes.
My first recipe that I would like to share would be mini panini. This is something I have grown up on, whether it was at one of my nonna’s houses or from the bakery; I thrived on them. I decided to put myself up for the challenge and make these cute little things to see if I could do what nonna did. Although my panini looked quite different, they turned out great for a first timer!
I got the recipe from the Food Network and it happens to be from Emeril Lagasse. I felt like it was best suited for me after reading it. Although it is a recipe for a loaf of bread, I just shaped out little panini, instead of doing one whole loaf.
The result after kneading combined ingredients with hook attachment.Knead dough on a surface that has been lightly floured.1. Place kneaded dough in a bowl that has been lined with olive oil, and oil the surface of the dough. 2. Place plastic wrap tightly around the bowl. 3. Lay a clean dish towel over the bowl, and leave for about 1.5 hours to let the dough rise.After 1.5 hours the dough is ready. Take the plastic wrap off, flour a surface of the counter and knead the dough a bit more.1. Shape mini panini with your hands, then score the top with a knife. 2. Lightly beat an egg white and brush over the tops of the ready to bake panini.After about 25 minutes of baking your panini are ready!
Two Things To Do With A Fresh Panino
1. Cut it open and drizzle olive oil, sprinkle salt and oregano on it.
2. Grab some fresh ricotta cheese and make a ricotta sandwich.
We have all been there, done that! That famous line we use when we are too lazy to reach in the back seat to pick up that bag, or too overwhelmed to grab the cup in the cup holder that is right next to you! It has happened to the best of us, when we use that classic line to a friend, sibling, significant other or even a parent. The sad truth is that we won’t get it later, in fact it is going to sit there, and sit there, the bag will get stepped on, the last sip of the drink will mold in the cup and more items will fall to the backseat.
I wish I knew why it happened, or how it started happening actually. Do we inherit this tendency? Or does it just start happening out of nowhere? Walk through a parking lot and you will see that you are not alone! So many people…actually many women are doing this. It is like an invitation to get robbed. We leave valuable sweaters, shoes, accessories and who knows what else in there. But the fact of the matter is that we do it without even really thinking about it! I can tell you right now that I have a car load of things, literally a car load.
It all starts in the trunk; I do my spring cleaning and place all of my items to be donated into a humongous box, this box then has to be placed into the trunk by my brother because it is bigger than me. The issue with placing my items in this larger than life box is that I will not be able to remove it from the trunk on my own! What ends up happening is the box will stay there for months, and the stuff that I once had in the backseat then gets transferred into the trunk in order to make room for other passengers. The things that could possibly be pushed from the backseat are; scarves, coats sweaters, shoes, magazines, books, a backpack (that I haven’t used in a year) and so much more. Luckily this adds weight to the trunk in the case that it snows and I don’t have to worry about having a lighter vehicle.
But the cycle continues to happen, all of these items stay in the trunk like a neglected pair of Nike Free Runs that you bought last summer to get you motivated to workout. We start throwing that sweater we took off to the backseat because the weather is warming up; you brought a change of shoes because you are going antiquing in the county and it rained so it will be muddy (those stay in the back); someone returned your books and you just decide you are in no rush to remove them; you needed to scrape your windshield last winter, but decided to keep the scraper in the back in case the spring frost curses your windshield.
And that’s when drive-thru beverages, reusable tumblers and water bottles happened! This was one of the biggest curses that hit most of us! You are driving around, running errands, and you finish your latte. You take that last sip and instead of bringing the cup to the nearest garbage, you leave it in your cup holder. The cup is sitting there either in the cold weather to freeze, or in the hot summer months creating bacteria. When you are at your destination, you get so thirsty, like at the mall since it is so dry in there. You grab a water bottle and have a few sips, get to the car and throw it on the passenger seat. You drive home get out of the car, and there rests the water bottle which will get thrown to the ground when a passenger enters, and the cup sits there getting moldy.
I really wish I knew why this happened or why we do it. It is the, I will get it later curse that seems really hard to break. Even when you clean out your car and vow to keep it clean, just that one item you leave in there will throw off the whole vow you just made. Once you make the exception for one item to stay in the car under this curse, it is like one big disaster, because you will not get it later, you will not get any item later until you decide to do one big clean…and then it all happens again!
That unstained white polo, the bold black crisp polo, fresh black pants, crisp khakis, shoes with no holes, a fancy cardigan…just a few of the things that used to be.
It’s coming to an end, did I think I would be this sad about it…no…no I did not. It all began five and a half years ago when I got the call for my interview. One summer day when I was about 17, after working at a grocery store for a year, I was so fed up with my new manager, and decided to drop a resume off at Starbucks on the way home. Why did I have a resume on hand? I do not know, but dropping off that resume was one of the best decisions I had made.
I knew that a tall blonde worked there, whom also happened to know my darkest secrets, and I thought it would be a great idea to apply there. Well lone behold, she was working that day, it was like a sign from the celebrity Gods that it was meant to be. I hadn’t heard anything for two weeks, but then the phone rang, and for someone who rarely gets the phone, I got it. It was one of the happiest moments, I was about to start University and I had hopes of starting a new job as well.
As a former cashier, I was sick and tired of ringing groceries through every weekend, and having to deal with a new manager who hated me for some reason, I was just about ready to walk out of there.
But now, I was about to be a cool barista, who answered to a beep, made complicated handcrafted beverages that you soon find out actually are not complicated and working with a very dynamic team.
There I began a journey of growth, self-realization and change.
I will say that some of my fondest memories happened there with those people. I saw people come and go, some I still keep in touch with and others I don’t. This store became my family, my routine; it became something that I took pride in and something that I enjoyed.
I can look back on my first days of training, thinking back to the times I would cry before work because I was so scared that I would not get the hang of drive-thru or be quick enough on bar, and now I look back and cry to think that the good times are all over, but all good things must come to an end.
From my days of training and getting to know people, I was so intimidated by some and clicked with others. Those who I was intimidated by became some of the people that had such an impact on my life. And from those people was how I learned how to welcome new partners.
Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t call it welcoming, I would call it territorial. Being territorial is how you have to welcome others, you become the mother bear, and your coworkers are your cubs, and the newcomers have to win your trust. If you were a victim of this, I think you probably have by now realized I am not a terrible person; I just care about my family and eventually everyone makes their way into the family.
This place was the birth of Nazberries, Delta Tweet, kitten talk, singing orders to customers, our love for birds, our obsession with Lindsay Lohan, the Lindsay bird, Motor Boating Mondays, Titty Tuesdays, Hump Day, Thong Thursday/Slap Janet’s Butt Day, Frisky Fridays and Saturday and Sunday were the days of rest.
Lindsay BirdHump Day Rock
We then birthed confession days, which was originally just a Monday night thing, which then turned into an every night thing (this was beneficial because it allowed us to get to know everyone better).
We were inventive, innovative and creative. We tried to make all events fun, and never passed up a theme. But now, it’s time for me to walk away and start a new theme, time for me to move “onward” and time for me to face fear. I fear change, but sometimes we must face our biggest fears head-on and make way for new opportunities.
Stained white polo’s, faded black polo’s, worn/faded black pants, coffee and mocha stained khakis, shoes and cardigans with holes. We started like a fresh coffee passport, but the passport eventually gets worn and all coffee regions have been visited, and we must crack open a new passport in order to begin another journey.
Last night it hit me, the thoughts I have been trying to get out of my head came back, and it was a downward spiral from there. All I could think about was pulling up around 12:30 pm Sunday after Sunday, checking to see who got there first. The long drive-way filled with cars, all trying to squeeze in. Some sitting on the porch on a warm summer afternoon, while others are crowded around the gnocchi all perfectly laid out on the table downstairs, watching her do what she did ever so amazingly. I do not want to get her out of my mind, but it hurts to think that it is all memory and no longer reality.
To think back at all of those Sundays, I think they were taken for granted, I think we always thought we would have another Sunday, and another Sunday. Sundays were the days I loved, wake up early, sometimes go to church, grab a quick coffee, drink it fast before we would arrive to avoid the famous line “How do you drink that Canadian shit,” then all sit around and wait to indulge in the feast. Never would we assist in cooking, the most we could do was dress the salad with oil, vinegar and salt, to tasting the artichokes to see if they had enough salt. But we were restricted from lifting a finger.
Other than that, we sat and laughed, as the most powerful woman I ever knew would power through the basement, walking from stove to stove as all burners were in use, including the ovens, ensuring that everything was right on schedule. You look back and think how did she do it? How was she able to cook for all of us?
When dinner was ready we would all herd upstairs, carrying up some basement chairs to the table that was set so beautifully. We would all sit in our regular spots, sometimes having to add plates because she invited a neighbour over, or someone would pop in. There was always an excess of food, so we never worried about not having enough for uninvited guests, because we all knew she made double so we would be able to take home left-overs.
But there we were, sitting there, all around the table, as we all sat, she still continued to work, placing our first meal onto our plates, but don’t worry if you didn’t have a taste for gnocchi; she had something else waiting for you. And the work never stopped, because once person by person started to finish their first meal, she would offer seconds, and basically force you to say yes, but if you managed to get away with only having one serving, that’s when the overload of more food came, the table was full, having selection from every food group.
Thinking back, I think why didn’t I just stop for one more moment to take it all in? Why didn’t I just hold the precious Sundays closer to me? It’s not that I didn’t appreciate them, but I just wish I could have one more Sunday lunch with her, one more Sunday lunch with us all there and her the star of the day.
I guess we can’t look back and regret, but what we can do is look back and realize that we were the luckiest people, to have someone so amazing, wanting to do so much for us, someone who spent their life dedicating herself to us.
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