*I have not posted in a while; this is due to the fact that I am in the process of creating a more focused blog, which will cater to a small range of categories, not a variety of experiences, thoughts and ganders.*
This idea came to me the other day, it has come to me often, but it truly hit home recently. Many people do not see what they currently have, when they actually realize it, it is too late and too far gone. Tradition is what many are not seeing in our most current society, it is okay to make our own traditions, well more than okay. What is not okay is when we lose the traditions we were brought up with and disregard them, thinking of them as a burden, or something we no longer need to practice.
If there is one thing that boggles my mind, it is that people are so neglecting towards tradition. I get it, over time things change, and we start branching out of our own cultures and experience other cultures, but why dismiss our own traditions?
Growing up, tradition was everywhere in my family, from Sunday lunch, greeting family with a kiss or even just having knowledge of your grandparent’s upbringing, their maiden names and the names of their parents. Ask a child this information today, they most likely will not even know their grandmothers maiden name.
Unfortunately, some parents cannot be bothered to practice tradition, which passes onto their children, eventually leading to a new generation of lost traditions.
Maybe we should call them generation lost, they do not have their own practices, they do not have something that sets them apart from someone else and they do not have something to share with their class when they talk about traditional holiday foods they ate.
Do your children a favour, do your grandchildren a favour and do yourself a favour, bring back the tradition.
I have had writers block for a little while, and even if I did produce any writing, it was not up to standard with my original thoughts. However, after this week I realized why I have had this restriction from writing…I had nothing to write about. Silly right? But it is true, there was nothing exciting nor thought provoking happening in my life that would cause me to write. I was yet in another rut, one of those ruts where you know that you need to make a major change or even a major decision in order to get anywhere in life. I was trying to tell myself that I was happy with my current situation, and that opportunity would come my way when I was ready for it. The thing is, that is not true, opportunity does not come to those who wait around, it does not come to those who constantly worry. Opportunity comes to the risk-takers, because they are the ones going after it, opportunity comes to those who do not fear change. I have had this fear of change for some time now, this fear of failure and this fear of having to start over. Who fears that? I am sure a lot of people, but why do we fear is the question.
For anyone that knows me well, I have this weird obsession and attachment with home. Maybe it is the comfort thing, or maybe I just enjoy home in general. But my attachment to home has become a major problem and has restricted me from taking a leap and doing something that I actually want to do. Sure, I do things here in Windsor if I want, but let’s be honest what is there to do here? Not that I dislike the city, it is the fact that it is the same thing day in and day out.
My life changing experience came this week while settling Vince in Toronto for his Internship. I have always had an underlying desire to move to Toronto, I have actually applied and have been accepted to various programs. However, there was always something inside of me telling me not to go. Yeah, I know what it was now, it was fear. I let fear get in the way of accomplishing the next step in my life/career.
But, something brought me to a cafe on Tuesday, I was walking around, when I decided that I would sit in a cafe alone. This is something I rarely do because I normally dislike doing things alone. But as I was sitting there, minding my own business, looking through Instagram, a stranger had walked in this cafe, greeted me, ordered a drink and then sat with me. Uninvited, they were bold enough to just sit with me. Living in Windsor, this is weird, never has anyone just sat with me, and maybe this is not a big deal to some, but right away I was thinking that this was goodbye for me and I would never be seen again. But, this person meant no harm, they were actually very friendly and intriguing. With many life experiences, they were cultured and established. They knew what they wanted, and they went after it.
Listening to this person made me realize something, you can sit around dreaming, because there is nothing wrong with that. But dreaming does not give you experiences, dreaming merely gives you an illusion, it gives you an internal desire. However, if you just take the risk, get your fears out of the way and live in the moment, you get more than a thought, you get an actual experience, a learning experience. You get a memory and memories are something you can hold on to forever. A memory is something that will always be there because you can actually say you did it, you had an experience to remember. On the other hand, if you just dream, you did not achieve anything, there is a difference between dreaming and acting upon the dream. How long can you sit around thinking you should have done something. It just results in regret. Be adventurous, go after what you want, and never regret an experience, because we learn from those, they make us stronger and they give us something to look back on.
Symptoms – Stomach in knots, scattered thoughts, you do not know if you are coming or going, constant panic.
Warning – If you are experiencing any of these symptoms do not panic, simply read what I have to say and reflect on yourself.
There is this underlying fear that a lot of us have. It is this panic, which stems from something we are so frightened of, and the very thought or mention of it gets our knickers in a twist. It is something that I have constantly feared my entire life, and as of today I was scared to even bring it up. However, there are a few people that inspired me to discuss it.
I have been inspired by a post I saw on Instagram which read, “atychiphobia – fear of failure; fear of not being good enough.” Not only from this post, but I have recently talked to a few individuals who have confided their fear of failure and not being good enough to me. If you knew who these people were, you would be as shocked as I was, because to me they are the most confident and positive individuals. However, their positivity and ability to achieve success is being sucked away before their very eyes.
This issue has gotten my knickers in a twist because I cannot fathom why we feel this way. I cannot understand why these intelligent and strong individuals would feel like so.
The fear of failure is something that gets the best of us, we allow it to run our life, it stops us from making certain decisions and we allow it to eat away at us, causing great panic and stress about something that really is not in our control. Well, actually it could be in our control. In fact, let’s say it is in our control, we have this fear of failure, and we let our confidence slip from beneath us, allowing ourselves to fall in this trap, or a hole I guess, that those who do not have the fear of failure jump right over attaining success.
I am not saying we are not going to be successful, what I am saying is that we are delaying our success because we are giving up, or we are feeling like there are always people better than us. Sure, there are people who may have higher marks, more street smarts or maybe have a suave to them, but the thing is, they are not us!
Do I sound cocky? No…this is how we are supposed to think! We need to realize that we are the best people that we can be, but the only way to be the best us is to believe in ourselves, have confidence in what we do, think positively and know that we can attain greatness.
Story Time – A standout time that “failure” hit me was when I was in grade 7. This is going to sound absurd, but to me, this was a huge deal. I had an A+ in French, however a low 70s score on a test brought me down to an A-, this was a very devastating time, and I remember running to the bathroom that day and crying. Not only that, I brought the issue home, and I can picture myself laying on the balcony above the living room, listening to music and just sobbing.
I gave myself the worst headache, and I lost all faith in myself. Looking back now, I realize that I was an idiot, how could I be mad at myself. I clearly realize that it was my fault; looking back I do not even remember studying for this test, so I brought that upon myself.
But, the thing is, is that I did not fail, I simply made a decision to not study and learned from it. However, back then, I can remember thinking that I had “failed” myself and my parents. My parents were not even mad, they thought I was ridiculous for basically making myself sick over something like this. They explained that there are worse things in life, we make our own decisions and by making these decisions they will allow us to grow.
The thing is many of us underestimate ourselves and our abilities; we think that we are not good enough for someone or something. When in reality we are the best we can be based upon how hard we work or what we do for ourselves. There really is not such thing as failure; it is more like learning experiences. These experiences only make us stronger. We need to make the most of what we are dealt with, life is too short to harp on what we could have, or should have done. Our time is now, and if you believe in failure or that you are not good enough, then you are thinking wrong.
Sometimes we feel like we are left in ruins by the decisions we make or the path we take, however having the ability to decide is the best gift we could ever receive, because it allows for us to rebuild ourselves.
That unstained white polo, the bold black crisp polo, fresh black pants, crisp khakis, shoes with no holes, a fancy cardigan…just a few of the things that used to be.
It’s coming to an end, did I think I would be this sad about it…no…no I did not. It all began five and a half years ago when I got the call for my interview. One summer day when I was about 17, after working at a grocery store for a year, I was so fed up with my new manager, and decided to drop a resume off at Starbucks on the way home. Why did I have a resume on hand? I do not know, but dropping off that resume was one of the best decisions I had made.
I knew that a tall blonde worked there, whom also happened to know my darkest secrets, and I thought it would be a great idea to apply there. Well lone behold, she was working that day, it was like a sign from the celebrity Gods that it was meant to be. I hadn’t heard anything for two weeks, but then the phone rang, and for someone who rarely gets the phone, I got it. It was one of the happiest moments, I was about to start University and I had hopes of starting a new job as well.
As a former cashier, I was sick and tired of ringing groceries through every weekend, and having to deal with a new manager who hated me for some reason, I was just about ready to walk out of there.
But now, I was about to be a cool barista, who answered to a beep, made complicated handcrafted beverages that you soon find out actually are not complicated and working with a very dynamic team.
There I began a journey of growth, self-realization and change.
I will say that some of my fondest memories happened there with those people. I saw people come and go, some I still keep in touch with and others I don’t. This store became my family, my routine; it became something that I took pride in and something that I enjoyed.
I can look back on my first days of training, thinking back to the times I would cry before work because I was so scared that I would not get the hang of drive-thru or be quick enough on bar, and now I look back and cry to think that the good times are all over, but all good things must come to an end.
From my days of training and getting to know people, I was so intimidated by some and clicked with others. Those who I was intimidated by became some of the people that had such an impact on my life. And from those people was how I learned how to welcome new partners.
Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t call it welcoming, I would call it territorial. Being territorial is how you have to welcome others, you become the mother bear, and your coworkers are your cubs, and the newcomers have to win your trust. If you were a victim of this, I think you probably have by now realized I am not a terrible person; I just care about my family and eventually everyone makes their way into the family.
This place was the birth of Nazberries, Delta Tweet, kitten talk, singing orders to customers, our love for birds, our obsession with Lindsay Lohan, the Lindsay bird, Motor Boating Mondays, Titty Tuesdays, Hump Day, Thong Thursday/Slap Janet’s Butt Day, Frisky Fridays and Saturday and Sunday were the days of rest.
We then birthed confession days, which was originally just a Monday night thing, which then turned into an every night thing (this was beneficial because it allowed us to get to know everyone better).
We were inventive, innovative and creative. We tried to make all events fun, and never passed up a theme. But now, it’s time for me to walk away and start a new theme, time for me to move “onward” and time for me to face fear. I fear change, but sometimes we must face our biggest fears head-on and make way for new opportunities.
Stained white polo’s, faded black polo’s, worn/faded black pants, coffee and mocha stained khakis, shoes and cardigans with holes. We started like a fresh coffee passport, but the passport eventually gets worn and all coffee regions have been visited, and we must crack open a new passport in order to begin another journey.
Every morning, I wake up so refreshed and ready for the day! I stretch real big, slip on the ol’slippers, put on my robe and walk downstairs so peacefully! So many things race through my mind, but all I’m thinking about is how great everything looks upon my walk to the kitchen. I grab my banana, debate on whipping up some egg whites, pour a shot of espresso…AND THAT IS WHEN PANIC HITS! Sheer anxiety comes over me every single morning as I go through this same routine! I come to realize that I am not in my own house, but in my parents house.
This is when the sadness pours in, and from feeling so refreshed, I become so miserable, I realize that I do not own this house or anything in it (other than my material items and a few prints hanging on my bedroom walls)!
The shocking reality is that I will one day have to leave this beautiful home and move into something unknown! To think that I live so comfortably, with every amenity available upon request! And one day I will have to actually provide for myself? This may sound super strange, and yeah when I think about it, it is. But to think that I have been living a lie basically my whole life puts me in complete shock.
The reality of this all is that my parents have provided me with an illusion that life is always like how I am living now!
Okay, well maybe my parents did not give me this illusion, and I created these delusional thoughts in my own head. But, I have been under the impression that things come easier than they are coming now. I have been graduated for exactly one year, yes that is right! ONE YEAR! Never did I think that I would be on a boat, floating in the middle of the ocean like I am now.
WARNING: The boat that I am currently on is not real; it is just a comparison as to how far I am from knowing what is going on in my life.
I am so very thankful for the life I have been provided, but what I have come to realize is that I have been thinking wrong my entire life. My parents actually have told me that you need to dedicate yourself to your goals in order to become successful. I just decided to erase their teachings from my memory as if I suffered from amnesia. I really just thought you go to school, and when you are done you would be handed a job, a husband would be waiting for you and everything becomes a fairytale after that. But no, this is all false, you actually have to get out there and make a name for yourself (make a name for yourself in the sense of a career, not for your potential future husband to know you by)!
Why did I not think like this before? Perhaps my motivation level would have been way different a year ago! Not to say that I am not motivated, because at times I am the most ambitious person…but it depends if the topic is of interest to me or not. I just think I have yet to find my passion…because I have had many passions, I just can’t quite commit to one yet
…that’s another area I struggle with, but I will save commitment for another day.