What Is Wrong With Us?

Symptoms – Stomach in knots, scattered thoughts, you do not know if you are coming or going, constant panic.

Warning – If you are experiencing any of these symptoms do not panic, simply read what I have to say and reflect on yourself.

There is this underlying fear that a lot of us have. It is this panic, which stems from something we are so frightened of, and the very thought or mention of it gets our knickers in a twist. It is something that I have constantly feared my entire life, and as of today I was scared to even bring it up. However, there are a few people that inspired me to discuss it.

I have been inspired by a post I saw on Instagram which read, “atychiphobia – fear of failure; fear of not being good enough.” Not only from this post, but I have recently talked to a few individuals who have confided their fear of failure and not being good enough to me. If you knew who these people were, you would be as shocked as I was, because to me they are the most confident and positive individuals. However, their positivity and ability to achieve success is being sucked away before their very eyes.

This issue has gotten my knickers in a twist because I cannot fathom why we feel this way. I cannot understand why these intelligent and strong individuals would feel like so.

The fear of failure is something that gets the best of us, we allow it to run our life, it stops us from making certain decisions and we allow it to eat away at us, causing great panic and stress about something that really is not in our control. Well, actually it could be in our control. In fact, let’s say it is in our control, we have this fear of failure, and we let our confidence slip from beneath us, allowing ourselves to fall in this trap, or a hole I guess, that those who do not have the fear of failure jump right over attaining success.

I am not saying we are not going to be successful, what I am saying is that we are delaying our success because we are giving up, or we are feeling like there are always people better than us. Sure, there are people who may have higher marks, more street smarts or maybe have a suave to them, but the thing is, they are not us!

Do I sound cocky? No…this is how we are supposed to think! We need to realize that we are the best people that we can be, but the only way to be the best us is to believe in ourselves, have confidence in what we do, think positively and know that we can attain greatness.

Story Time – A standout time that “failure” hit me was when I was in grade 7. This is going to sound absurd, but to me, this was a huge deal. I had an A+ in French, however a low 70s score on a test brought me down to an A-, this was a very devastating time, and I remember running to the bathroom that day and crying. Not only that, I brought the issue home, and I can picture myself laying on the balcony above the living room, listening to music and just sobbing.

I gave myself the worst headache, and I lost all faith in myself. Looking back now, I realize that I was an idiot, how could I be mad at myself. I clearly realize that it was my fault; looking back I do not even remember studying for this test, so I brought that upon myself.

But, the thing is, is that I did not fail, I simply made a decision to not study and learned from it. However, back then, I can remember thinking that I had “failed” myself and my parents. My parents were not even mad, they thought I was ridiculous for basically making myself sick over something like this. They explained that there are worse things in life, we make our own decisions and by making these decisions they will allow us to grow.

The thing is many of us underestimate ourselves and our abilities; we think that we are not good enough for someone or something. When in reality we are the best we can be based upon how hard we work or what we do for ourselves. There really is not such thing as failure; it is more like learning experiences. These experiences only make us stronger. We need to make the most of what we are dealt with, life is too short to harp on what we could have, or should have done. Our time is now, and if you believe in failure or that you are not good enough, then you are thinking wrong.

Sometimes we feel like we are left in ruins by the decisions we make or the path we take, however having the ability to decide is the best gift we could ever receive, because it allows for us to rebuild ourselves.


The Power of a Green Apron

That unstained white polo, the bold black crisp polo, fresh black pants, crisp khakis, shoes with no holes, a fancy cardigan…just a few of the things that used to be.

It’s coming to an end, did I think I would be this sad about it…no…no I did not. It all began five and a half years ago when I got the call for my interview. One summer day when I was about 17, after working at a grocery store for a year, I was so fed up with my new manager, and decided to drop a resume off at Starbucks on the way home. Why did I have a resume on hand? I do not know, but dropping off that resume was one of the best decisions I had made.

I knew that a tall blonde worked there, whom also happened to know my darkest secrets, and I thought it would be a great idea to apply there. Well lone behold, she was working that day, it was like a sign from the celebrity Gods that it was meant to be. I hadn’t heard anything for two weeks, but then the phone rang, and for someone who rarely gets the phone, I got it. It was one of the happiest moments, I was about to start University and I had hopes of starting a new job as well.

As a former cashier, I was sick and tired of ringing groceries through every weekend, and having to deal with a new manager who hated me for some reason, I was just about ready to walk out of there.

But now, I was about to be a cool barista, who answered to a beep, made complicated handcrafted beverages that you soon find out actually are not complicated and working with a very dynamic team.

There I began a journey of growth, self-realization and change.

I will say that some of my fondest memories happened there with those people. I saw people come and go, some I still keep in touch with and others I don’t. This store became my family, my routine; it became something that I took pride in and something that I enjoyed.

I can look back on my first days of training, thinking back to the times I would cry before work because I was so scared that I would not get the hang of drive-thru or be quick enough on bar, and now I look back and cry to think that the good times are all over, but all good things must come to an end.

From my days of training and getting to know people, I was so intimidated by some and clicked with others. Those who I was intimidated by became some of the people that had such an impact on my life. And from those people was how I learned how to welcome new partners.

Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t call it welcoming, I would call it territorial. Being territorial is how you have to welcome others, you become the mother bear, and your coworkers are your cubs, and the newcomers have to win your trust. If you were a victim of this, I think you probably have by now realized I am not a terrible person; I just care about my family and eventually everyone makes their way into the family.

This place was the birth of Nazberries, Delta Tweet, kitten talk, singing orders to customers, our love for birds, our obsession with Lindsay Lohan, the Lindsay bird, Motor Boating Mondays, Titty Tuesdays, Hump Day, Thong Thursday/Slap Janet’s Butt Day, Frisky Fridays and Saturday and Sunday were the days of rest.

Lindsay Bird
Lindsay Bird
Hump Day Rock
Hump Day Rock

We then birthed confession days, which was originally just a Monday night thing, which then turned into an every night thing (this was beneficial because it allowed us to get to know everyone better).

We were inventive, innovative and creative. We tried to make all events fun, and never passed up a theme. But now, it’s time for me to walk away and start a new theme, time for me to move “onward” and time for me to face fear. I fear change, but sometimes we must face our biggest fears head-on and make way for new opportunities.

Stained white polo’s, faded black polo’s, worn/faded black pants, coffee and mocha stained khakis, shoes and cardigans with holes. We started like a fresh coffee passport, but the passport eventually gets worn and all coffee regions have been visited, and we must crack open a new passport in order to begin another journey.